Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dabble_boy's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 9th, 2009
1:02 am	Time goes by, and everything drops away. ...Huh. Updating my social networking sites (well two, out of... seven I think.) and I noticed on one of them that the tiny experimental middle school I went to didn't end up exactly as the manufacturing plant for Yesterday's Today's Leaders of Tomorrow that they dreamed of. In fact, they might have been even more of a failure than they hoped since I reread that sentence two or three more times to parse if it works and I still can't be sure I got it right. I like the sound of "Tomorrow's leaders of Today" more but I think that makes even less sense. Anyway, this could be something of a self-selection bias but it might be that the people on that network are more inclined to be the lovers and dreamers (and me) whereas if LinkedIn provided fields for preschools and the like then it'd seem like the ones listed would be preternaturally prep oriented. Or maybe the fact that social networks are not quite the proto-Big Brother everyone expects them to be and people tend to update them up to a point and then move on with only a limited familiarity over a period of time? (So like a cousin?) Anyway, a lot of them seem to update up to the point of a community college in terms of education and stop. Which... I just realized I'm being marginally elitist about even though I just went to a state U and I think back in high school we did to some extent get impressed by the people who committed to do Running Start. Even if there was a twinge of bitterness since that was almost seen as the "easy way out" compared to doing IB, or getting to avoid the high school gauntlet of social structure. Also, never mind the fact that I think adding schools to LJ got suddenly less tedious than it used to be so the only people who bothered going into a nostalgia-fest are the younger folk where it might be more relevant to their lives. Oh god the fact I'm skimming these at all is deeply tragic (in the literal sense in that I'm showing compassion for individual other humans? Too much at that?) but it just got worse in that I think two of them are using similar formats so I'm probably stuck reading three year old homework assignments from middle schoolers. Or one of the two isn't particularly creative. Or they're both the same person but I don't see the point of it. And on one of these I noticed a mention of a noted social pariah when I was attending the school (or boys with that particular name have some awful luck) and I actually wanted to stumble across him on Google to make myself feel better. ...That sounds horrible but one interpretation beyond the hope that someone's life turned out worse than my own is the possibility he may have gotten hot and that'd give me hope. ...Yes that is still shallow and/or vain and an entirely different variety of character flaw but at least it's not schadenfreude? For all that stuff about how "nowadays being anonymous is worse then being poor; fame is the most important thing in our culture..." It's actually kinda true. And in any case I still remember not only the guy and his name and what he looked like (basically me but with a Beatle-esque mullet. Bad enough we shared the same first name and yet I think both of us were still called by some third Asian guy's name...) but also what song he sort of notoriously karaoked at a school event ("Hey Jude") where this was totally uncalled for. I have pretty much no feelings in any direction regarding this guy (who was anywhere between one to three school years under me and more or less totally off my radar, I don't know) but at the time I didn't particularly like what he did like remind me he really did exist as a person who would sometimes be present and say things. I suppose it is admirable that at the very least he was willing to be himself and let that freak flag fly whereas I've generally felt the urge to keep it on the down-low and pretend I'm normal. Either way I'd actually be rather impressed if I found out what he was up to now, if he either rehabilitated himself into some sort of undergrad hottie or if he managed to remain the exact person he was then and not be crushed by another eight years of social pressures to conform. Plus I'll grant him credit for having the gumption to sing in public long before HSM or Glee made it remotely socially acceptable while I only do it when I'm pretty sure no one else in the house is around to hear me and/or I hope the shower is loud enough even though I do rather enjoy faking it. Speaking of, I'm going to go take my first shower in about three days. At some point I did realize my excuse "I'm conserving water!" isn't so much as true as "I've given up." And up to a point I realized I only getting around to ending these entries when I've taken a very circuitous route to arrive to wherever I started-ish. I know hypothetically that's a sign of a thesis but I often get the feeling that I don't really explore that hypothetical topic to any sufficiently meaningful degree. Ugh, one last tangent that's still kinda relevant, there was actually a fourth but giant (I mean that euphemistically as he's overweight but he's also rather taller than me I seem to remember so that probably slides the scale) white guy with the same/similar first name and he's three years younger than me so we'd only been in the same age range for school twice (or maybe three times? My memory has utterly collapsed upon itself and cursory FBing didn't give me an answer. Man, I don't even know what happened to those "friend details" charts that FB has/had and I never did learn how to access them). I had been pressured to dislike him a bit both years, but pretty much the first months aside I managed to resolve that. In high school senior year I was dealing with the fact I felt totally insecure in my leadership position with KEY club even though in that case I was possibly still the most involved/hands-on of the board then and he represented one third of these freshmen upstarts with actual vision which sort of threatened us. (Or maybe one half since the other 2/3rds were twins?) Then in his freshmen year of college I was actually kinda pleased to see a face I recognized and I'd more or less resigned myself to the fact that I was a bit crap at the job I ended up with. The rest of the board and on the regional and district levels were a bit more irked though with this ambition and his efforts to cross-pollinate his work with the other RSOs. Which in hindsight I will admit occasionally got to me too so maybe there's the possibility I haven't quite grown as a person so much as just miss everything I once found familiar and this guy and his activism or involvement in issues I associate with Seattle. And he actually is a case where he comes across as comfortable being himself and a much more secure and stable being than I am. And oh god it's one in the morning and yet again I haven't started my reading. Or for that matter, taken that shower or even done the laundry like the only thing I absolutely planned for this weekend. And yet I know I still have a tab open with the transcript from that episode of Buffy quoted as the subject title but I don't really have the time to go ahead and read it again. Current Music: Misha - I Lit My Treb On Fire (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
6:01 am	Too little, too late What kind of a nap am I hypothetically taking if I wake up properly at 5:44 AM? Does this mean I've just effectively given up on life? I think this hit me mostly after a dream where my mother and her friend ended up making my family some grilled cheese vegan salmon sandwiches while even within my dream I was sequestered away by myself in a spare room at my sister's place (which incidentally doesn't exist) Also it seems that it's a dream rerun of one I previously once had that was like a Crash-esque reality TV show (as in that one Oscar winning movie, not the Bandicoot) where bad things happen to/in a Chinese restaurant (random gang shootings to destroy a lot of the fixtures) except this time around it was a black-owned night club and Anthony Anderson was in a stormtrooper uniform. So basically this could have fit awkwardly into a Romeo Must Die except the female lead was played by Dana Davis of Pushing Daisies and Heroes guest-stardom. So basically the parts I watched were weird enough to slip past me while the parts I was hypothetically present for were just this side of mundane enough I accepted them as reality. (Why is it that if I'm stuck dreaming of a department store it's generally JC Penney or Kohl's versus one I actually like/don't mind?) Let's see if the hour and a half I have before class is enough for me to finish up the readings. I did finish over half of in the library for once... Until I felt sick enough I had to leave. Then there's the group stuff, where I'm already concerned enough that I just don't want to be dead weight... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
2:59 am	Becauseifthere'stwothingsAmericaneedsrightnow, it'ssunshineandoptimism. Also angels. Oh god my academic career is falling apart. And given what I've done for the past six hours, maybe that goes a bit towards explaining that. Also I discovered this person on Twitter I find quite crazy and I wonder how they, the crazy folk, have somehow figured out how modern technology works better than I have. Sorta. I noticed first the complaint "Why is Fox airing the blatantly homosexual-agenda showcasing series "Dollhouse"? #tcot #iamthemob #dollhouse #whedon #pinkfloyd #foxandfrens" but after reading a bit there were other such kinda baffling gems to come, like the strong desire to save geocities as the gateway to freespeech or something. "universal healthcare is terrible & will kill you! only our troops deserve such a privilege #ifoughtmyjawandmyjawwon #nobama #tcot #iamthemob" Particularly there's that Clash-esque hashtag (which seem to make sense on this post, I'm not sure how Pink Floyd has anything to do w/ Dollhouse or how this hater knows Whedon's name) that leads to more tweets mostly from this same poster and I can't quite figure any of them out. Do only troops deserve the privlege of getting their healthcare covered? Or do they honestly mean only troops have the right to kill whoever the "you" is/are? There's no consistency in the claims made within 144 characters let alone any sort of narrative thread I can piece together about this person. H1N1 is not really a major threat and it's just the gov't overhyping it, but they're also responsible for withholding the vaccines for it to kill citizens? Clarifying to... no one in particular that actually Obama is only half-black so that's not very impressive as achievements go or something, but he'll be damned if there's a ever a full black president? Barack Obama is a self-hating Muslim because he's "(attacking his moon god)"? (If anything I figured that being a self-hating Muslim would be a good thing from that perspective, if he weren't more concerned about saving the moon?) And I didn't know that apparently zoos are funded by the government (seriously, I don't know if that's true or if they're subsidized at all or not) but possibly my favorite as crazy goes since it seems a little less harmless, "Remind me again why my money should go toward keeping a stupid bear or whatever alive? I earned it. not the bear" I sadly assumed for a long time he meant he earned the right to live, not that he earned the money. Okay, then it just degenerates. One of the Jonas brothers is wished a happy birthday and accused of faking diabetes? Swayze isn't really dead? "I unironically believe our President wants to destroy the US bc he hates it so much. #tcot #gop #glennbeck #nobama #stopthekenyan #iamthemob" but he/she/it admits somewhere else to basically being a Turing Test? Which explains the arbitrary low-res screencap of the skateboarding dog as the background even as it proclaims it's the "regular quality" version. Did I seriously just spend half an hour reading those? Bah. And to think my parents (or mother at least)-- who have been trained in doing actual medical diagnoses-- believe that I don't need Ritalin. I wonder if I breached the possibility of Adderall at all instead, but the only supplement I'm encouraged to take is ginseng for blood circulation in or to extremeties. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Monday, October 26th, 2009
2:01 am	1 life, 2-time, 3 girls, 4 guys, 5 ripples running up and down my spine, 6.0 oh make it sweet... I've lost my sense of time since I can't tell which devices have set themselves for the fake end of Daylight Saving Time. And my grasp of this concept has been pretty weak all along given the fact I'm still a bit of a retarded man-child. Oh god, I just realized I'm the same age as Scott Pilgrim in the first book. Also, I think the third in this Britney Spears 3 parody is rather hot, particularly after what I imagine was the first scenes they filmed. While he looks a bit like one half of that gay couple on As the World Turns-- and that's not in any way a bad thing--it's just a much more interesting or dynamic style with the slight waviness after/during the shower scene. Or giant exposed nipple ring. It's so weird now that I just noticed it's symmetrical and he has two. I'm not particularly sure which one would make more sense to me (I'm bad with remembering the gay pierced ear rule of thumb since I never remember whose perspective it is, let alone which side in that case.) but two makes me think of The Cell or other weird fetishes that I don't imagine being particularly safe nor sensical. Also that little part the screen cap is on when people embed the video features a little gag that's just among my favorite physical comedy bits: to have the careless touching and disregard of the contours of someone's face. I remember it being particularly effective in the soap opera scene of 30 Rock while trying to trick Kathy Geiss, random Collegehumor Hardly Working clips, or even to a lesser extent that one scene in the season premiere of Dollhouse where Adelle is giving a full half minute of exposition and commands while obliviously stroking Victor's face. These all had me in delighted little giggle/guffaw fits. Maybe this is in part since I hate it so much when it happens to me. Speaking of hate, I actually like that Britney song now and that bothers me. It's got that same annoying sorta vocoder effect as with a lot of her songs-- Unless that's just what Britbrit's voice sounds like?-- I dunno, I just sort of like that slightly obtuse melody that isn't the chorus. My understanding of musical composition is still so weak I have no idea it would be since verse seems like a total nondescriptor... All I know is that I can probably rule out the possibility it's a/the middle-8. In any case I mean the part where the song writer's use of English either totally falls apart or goes to strange Yoda-esque constructions. ("Merrier the more. Triple fun that way...") I can't even place exactly what it's evocative of to me but the fact this is another song about the simple variety of counting sort of endears me. Just like that one song from Utada's first proper English album, "The Workout," they both suggest nursery rhymes somehow while also being unusually dirty though I suspect that the official Spears video won't have robot on machine sex like Utada's Japanese promo clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrUHxupsnus Ugh, this was only meant to be a minor detour from the work I'm not doing so I'm not gonna go into more love about Feist's muppet version of 1234. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Britney Spears - 3 (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 25th, 2009
6:42 pm	You only think you're free Ugh, midterm... I spent about 12 hours on it having only started at 8PM Saturday night and debated whether or not I would rather turn it in right when I finished it or risk going to sleep and trying to edit it with a fresh perspective a couple hours before it needed to be turned in at 4PM today. Given how badly I've been doing at waking up from naps lately I decided I shouldn't nearly be so stupid as to leave windows open and miss deadlines as is my wont. For example, I've ignored the fact that I did actually make a profile on Manhunt at some point since moving to Spokane (or maybe it was a last minute "oh god I'll miss the attractive scrawny hipsters in Seattle" thing) even though it has the tendency to e-mail me more or less daily reminders I haven't read my in-box when I'm in class and might be sitting in the middle row with people behind me. Such as the day we had... high schoolers or middle schoolers visit the law school. I felt so bad that A: that seems like such a boring field trip (even if they did get free stuff out of it) and B: They were so tiny. Anyway, I just logged in. There's the standard cougay/chickenhawk/manther thing going on. There are some surprisingly attractive people who are replying to what is actually an incredibly evasive and emo photo I posted though (that someone else took with out me noticing). By that I mean two or three but this is after two months of not ever actually checking the website out. However, I finally came to understand their business plan which seemed sort of vague and ineffective to me until I realized exactly how low the free limits were and exactly why guys might feel inclined to actually pay for it. It's like WestLaw or LexisNexis all over again. ...Considering how I actually use and like the latter one more I sort of wish I actually knew the vowels to use off the top of my head but I keep swapping Is for Us. And incidentally that's sort of the mission statement of my compassionate self-loathing mode where I imagine I'm being selfless and utilitarian to avoid dealing with my actual problems regarding how I am as a person. Wow, this is emo. I'm actually rather pleased to discover that people pretend I still exist on Facebook and I'm downright gleeful my class schedule is approaching manageability again. Also I found this rather amusing article with the premise that online dating site OKCupid is basically a real-life dating MMORPG and it's pretty apt. I still remember when it was by the old name and basically like a proto-collection of all those useless Facebook quizzes... Actually my screen name is apparently five years old and reflects my attempt to carve out an actual little unique ID name niche. Maybe I might as well go back to my IM screen name I created back in third/fourth grade since I do rather still love both the Uma Thurman movie and 60s TV show version of the Avengers, even if people did assume that it was my actual name. Also I even think that new remake of The Prisoner with Ian McKellen looks pretty neat from the trailer, even if I am a bit disappointed that they probably won't be doing the rotating actors playing Number Two thing. I never even finished the original but I love how ominous that is as arcane and un-understandable mind experiments roll. And if you're going to be locked into one actor then Magneto/Gandalf is the way to go. Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Friday, October 23rd, 2009
2:31 am	There’s a moment you know… you’re fucked Ugh. Set alarm for four hours ago (and ten minute periods for about forty minutes before that) but they decided to stop going off out loud after awhile. I still need to finish researching that ten page paper due at eight. And I spent part of every day of this week meeting w/ a group to work on an oral argument I still haven't polished which was something I mostly intended to do in seven hours from now after that paper is turned in. And on top of that my car hit the garage wall which I keep interpreting as a subconscious need to be destroyed manifesting itself. Also I have a midterm this weekend. And I just realized this today--more or less as I typed this-- oh god I turn an even more shameful age to have had such little life experience. Particularly not a proper boyfriend but ugh, nevermind, I really cannot dwell on that but must face the impossibility of getting a paper churned out. Being Asian[-Amer?] one thing I've been taught is that once I get the academic stuff out of the way everything else ought eventually sort itself out. Though this clearly didn't happen after high school in college or after undergrad. And ugh, I don't even feel comfortable meeting people to resolve all these tensions the normal/popularized way which is a lot of dangerous self-destructive sex with strangers. Current Music: Jonathan Groff, Boys & Girls - Totally Fucked (Comment on this)
Monday, October 19th, 2009
11:25 pm	I swear you're like some type of cock-blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab Ugh, I'm tired again and I haven't done anything on my "work" day of the three day weekends. And basically I never do anything anyways after classes end at noon. Stupid cold/flu/whatever. Even worse is the fact it's gotten better by now even though I'm dragging myself to classes anyway and can't make a big to do of it. (Stupid ABA requirement and scary professors I don't feel I could talk to regarding other arrangements.) And I realized after I drove ten hours altogether-ish that maybe it would have been prudent of me to make it a big to do (what does that phrase even mean? I didn't even realize I used it twice and I still have no idea where it would have originated or meant) of my return to the western side of the state since in hindsight I only saw two of my friends and one sweet acquaintance who I think only humors me as an aside since I was a means to the end of getting her bestie-one-in-three-parts-soulmate back to Seattle. And yeah, one of those two friends was the person who I only really saw while driving across state to the only city of worth. (She fell asleep on the way home and I didn't want to disturb her nor did we really have enough to talk about to sustain ten hours) And of my little circle of friends one from high school, some reasonably weren't aware I was back, one was sick, one ditched me to hang out with a beloved niece in Portland she's actually related to by blood and has significant ties to, and then there was the lovely one who humors me. We saw Grizzly Bear and Zombieland together but I feel so weird when only hanging out with her. I still like to imagine she only brushes against me at all to condition me to take it like a man but I sort of feel more comfortable when there's an actual crowd of others we know so then I can try and rationalize it off as a "hey, look at how nonchalant I am about platonic PDAs." Whereas when it's one on one the girls always make me sort of wish I had a little banner (I'm consciously choosing that since I imagine what I end up typing wouldn't fit on a sign) saying: "What? I'm not her/don't have a boyfriend! Don't feel bad for her having an aloof boyfriend who appears disinterested/Yes-oh-god-am-I-ever-available for both long-distance and long-term relationships. Please come on to me/either of us so I don't have to do the work." Yes, I implicitly believe it's a girl being interested in her safe gay friend and this is one of the risks/tropes/stereotypes/whatever-you-please of the fag haggard but in part this is me rationalizing that in fact another human being could be attracted to me. Even if it does sort of mortify me in hindsight to think that yes real girls have sent out feelers regarding me and I was totally oblivious of it. But unlike the standard Michael Ceras or Jesse Eisenbergs of the world, I'm more concerned about the possibility that I hurt their feelings in shooting them down by accident rather than regretting lost opportunities. (Admittedly, I can see their characters feeling both of those emotions) Suppose I am a bit too good-natured/come what may though. While sure this does mean I'm going to be first along the lines of a suspect wall in terms of "he was such a quiet/nice man" even though I rather think I'm unlikely to snap, at some point I did realize it's gonna take nepotism for me to get anywhere near my current unspoken dreams of being a sitcom writer. (But a good one.) Also, I frankly don't know enough people for this to happen I imagine. And another downside is that now my car smells like smoke since I'd rather let my friend go ahead and smoke in my car rather than make rest stops. That said, I'm not really certain there is much of an upside to the whole "nut up or shut up philosophy" since it's not like my life is totally untenable as of yet. And I maybe could reasonably survive a zombiepocolypse. While yes I am a bit too trusting, the lead character still survived being that somehow and I am just about as paranoid or neurotic. Alternatively, seizing the day and what not could make you a bit of a dick. While it's sort of... comforting a bit? To find out that humans aren't the only creature to be mean to other animals for reasons beyond predator/prey relationships, I wonder what's going on here. Certainly it's only "dolphins toss[ing] jellyfish sky high!" by technicality, since anything above the sea level is to some extent the sky, but is it since they want to bat the jellyfish at the boat that's sort of chasing them? (Or even more perceptive, at the people on the boat watching them?) Since they're having fun? They don't like jellyfish getting in their way or stinging them? They don't even care or realize that this thing is technically alive? (Comment on this)
Monday, October 12th, 2009
2:42 am	Vitamin D I hope that subject title is just apt in terms of this being the substance abuse post as opposed to forecasting my grades. Regarding the academic stuff, hopefully I will speak of it... well not "no more" but hopefully much less. That episode of Glee seems to me could just as easily have been titled "mash up" and made just as much thematic sense. If not more, if they really went balls out with the concept. Do kids/people still play MASH? (I seem to remember this mostly being a girl thing but I'm not sure if that's since I mostly grew up around girls, like my older sister. Alternatively, it really is mostly a girl thing but these male kid actors are the best ones CollegeHumor found or have a means to exploit because they know the families or something.) Anyway, that fifth or sixth episode of Glee brought up the idea of using pseudoephedrine I think as the means for overachievers to become successful. The weird thing is I don't believe the show really made a very strong case for people to NOT do so even if there was a token nod at the end of the show's Tracy Flick having a moral dilemma over continuing to use the pills even though she's already rather chipper and intense. This sort of comes on the cusp of me considering digging for information from my parents about the effects of drugs meant for those diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Despite the arguments that Americans over-diagnose this because we are opulent capitalists with excess money and time and thus weak and spongey and on our way to some sort of dystopian future as present in Brave New World or Wall-E, I'm still willing to accept that there are people who have a genuine problem that they need to overcome. That said, there's sort of effectively a fine-line distinction between that or just being easily distracted. ...No there isn't, I'm lying to myself to make myself feel better. I do get more or less everything I'm meant to get done by the time I need to meet concrete deadlines, but it's hardly ever going to be the best work. Like I'll admit that I just cracked open my book about two hours ago and will get all my briefs for class done by tomorrow but I could have started this long ago were it not for the siren call of the internet. Or observing my body for either flaws and/or the illusion of a six pack with generous lighting. This weekend I was distracted by a high school friend--does it count as that if we mostly started hanging out with each other proper in college?-- since she was in town for a professional foreign language teacher's conference. Granted she did leave at like ten in the morning and I should/could have spent the rest of the day working. She's a doll and all and I long for actual human contact that isn't related to the law school, but I felt weirdly resentful toward one of the only close friends of mine I've seen in the last two months. I suppose it's since ideally I would want someone to sweep into my life to finally spur me on to do everything I only wished for or would want a helping hand to guide me through. Basically one of the premises or appeals of Dollhouse's actives or that one episode of Friends where Monica ended up really enjoying her time hanging out with the woman who stole her identity and credit card numbers. Now in hindsight she possibly is working towards getting me to not freak out over touching other people but not particularly in a way that I like. And actually in hindsight I sometimes look back randomly on my internship in Taiwan and I'm slightly mortified by how comfortable-ish I got with leaning on or being rather touchy with some of my coworkers there. Especially since I fear I might have been sweaty. Then while she wasn't enough of a fag hag for us to voyage to the relatively upscale gay bar in town to ensure that I don't meet a guy who would eat me, I suppose I finally did eat out at a restaurant where I couldn't pronounce the stuff on the menu and discovered where the $3.50 movie theater was. However, again I was still irked with some minor points like the fact she's responsible and has a clear direction in mind for her life/career. Or that she probably did rightfully chastise me a bit about how automatic dish washers probably are more efficient than doing it manually even if I find her eating habits much more wasteful considering how my parents conditioned me to never leave a grain of rice in my bowl if I'd get caught. Then again, she is the only person I know rather well who's humoring me in going to a concert which is my first excuse to return to western Washington and it's been three weeks since I've had an extended conversation with someone who wasn't one of my parents or their guests. (Incidentally, I noticed even though the boyfriend of my dad's other doctor acquaintance was an old white grandfather who vaguely reminded me of an American and maybe younger Jim Broadbent, I still felt more comfortable with his inherent whiteness and Americana-ness to let slip my snarky quip bratty/witty persona in an attempt to relate.) Is that really going to be a segue into racial/nationality deconstruction? Anyway, this does remind me I was terribly pleased with Glee for so heavily featuring the dance moves of their second Asian on the club. Even if he still doesn't seem to have any speaking lines. And this one survey I finally got around to filling out for a survey sequence that I think I started some time back in freshman year. Maybe sophomore. Basically I believe the idea is to be how wildly off undergrads are when they estimate the drinking habits of the college population as a whole. In part it's a bit annoying when some of the questions are along the lines of "What gender do you think the average college student is? What year is the average college student? Height? Weight?" Then there's the even more annoying bits about what you suspect the drinking habits are of the average male, male Asian, male non-Greek, male Asian non-Greek per every day on average... I think I also slightly misrepresented myself for the sake of having actual data to input since in hindsight the numbers I put in just to represent the fact I believed/knew students in the Greek system drank significantly more than I did were ridiculously off. I am still slightly convinced that if I let myself drink too much then I'd just become a massive slut but this is since I mostly drink socially at the moment. (I plan on drinking frugally if I were to ever drive over to Idaho and stock up there, but until such a need I pretty much don't at all and leave it all to take up space in my fridge.) However, at the moment I don't drink to forget or loosen up and meet people since I imagine I'd then be forced to freeze in a parking lot waiting to sober up enough to drive home. I like to imagine I have more discipline than to drive drunk. Granted, I suppose a lot of my complaints stem from the fact that I believe I don't have sufficient discipline. Like the ability to not get distracted by random LJ profiles I come across. (Like the possibly/probably cute but exceedingly philosophical guy who unfathomably moved from NYC to Spokane or some other mysterious rural-ish locale. Or, now that I think about it, studXcore who I really haven't thought much of in ages but I simply can't remember the variation of that nickname I used when I ran cold/platonic but still wanted to allude to the guy.) Also I'm considering that one Lifetime or otherwise made for TV movie featuring that guy who was in Peter Pan and Friday Night Lights where he was apparently some sort of high school swimmer that became addicted to internet porn. However, I find that I just as easily am distracted by any number of chaste sites that also keep me from doing my work until late into the early morning. I also consider the possibility that porn may heighten my expectations or relative interest in kinks given my quite minimal experience. Especially since I'm like mere steps removed from Emma on Glee who cried for an hour when he boyfriend's arm accidentally brushed against her breast or that one woman in Spade v. Lynn & B Railroad Company where she tried to sue cause icy chills ran down her spine when a drunken man bumped into her while in conflict with the conductor or something. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Glee Cast - Halo / Walking On Sunshine (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
12:49 am	It is not courtroom drama, Katya Hrm, well there's one of those feelings of dread I haven't had for awhile. I suppose it constitutes as a tightening in my chest which is a feeling I've never really considered before which sounds trite and unreasonable, yet apparently true. At the same time I also feel like falling backward or something heavy dragging my shoulders back. So basically this suggests I ought to be like some monster from Silent Hill or that one episode of Buffy where the first grins large enough that her avatar turns inside out and swallows herself. I apparently killed my laser USB screwdriver which had the only most updated versions of my briefs (while--gayest of all gay/anal retentive things-- using Goo Gone to remove sticker residue) in addition to only now properly starting my homework after a number of distractions including an ill advised attempt to test out a fried chicken recipe. (As the other digression goes, I think it actually wasn't that bad though I didn't properly deep fry it since I don't think I have enough oil to last me. And given all my substitutions, I think it came out tasting weirdly sweet.). We were also basically forewarned in my e-mail which I still can't get to forward that we should be expecting a pop quiz in my first class of most days. The very same professor who I already think doesn't like me quite a bit cos of how I was late on the first day. And accidentally sit in the wrong seat since someone had taken mine and I never realized it. And that second time I missed her class since she scared me out of showing up but we quite nearly bumped into each other in the hallway later in the day. Current Mood: worried (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 8th, 2009
6:09 pm	Four for Glenn Coco. You go Glenn Coco! Well there goes my plan three three hours ago to get started on my briefing. I'd just listened to a podcast I sort of dug but was convinced the performer was a bit on the slow side for not realizing how awkwardly dragged out some of the in-character monologues became. Then I discovered he has a CV that, to me at least, is crazy thorough. And has so many academic buzzwords that are well-placed and actually make sense up to a point that my eyes glazed over like whenever I actually did read my undergrad texts. And oh god does it ever feel wrong that I need to distinguish "undergrad" already. I'm still inclined to hold it against him that his ethnic voices are a bit broad and not even exceptionally funny. There was an extended Rachel Zoe joke that sort of threw me off since-- I assume this is ironic affection for some manufactured Disney star-- it riffed off those throat cancer survivors who speak with a Pike Box. Which is difficult enough to have to listen to, but weirder when I got the impression there were supposed to be jokes but I didn't understand them because of the voice. That said, I'm sure he's a dynamic instructor who I would've dug since it's a totally different arena and any humor would be welcome in an environment where you're inclined to laugh to look like you're paying attention. That came off mean. And he is pretty good-looking albeit like those older men who try a bit too hard to look younger. ...Which he more or less explains right here and I imagine might be my fate. ...Hrm, in hindsight this seems to be yet another one of those points that seem to be advocating for impressionable younger folk to become sluts, lest they regret their misspent youth. There's still that specter of the 80s LGBTIQIQA zeitgeist though, that basically suggests everybody has AIDS though, and it's the modern day version of consumption in terms of narrative terminal diseases. I can't even remember what my ex-boss/tranny-mom sort of tried to advise me. I seem to recall that grinding Vicodin makes it work faster since you do away with the slow dissolve coating, but I'm pretty sure that was meant to be a bad thing... Also a disclaimer, while I was complaining about bad imitations of celebrities, I thought the Muppety Julia Childs in the Julie vs. Marvel Divas episode of Comic Book Queers was hilarious so who knows. Id even go as far to say "cracked my shit up" even if that turn of phrase always struck me as a little odd. Anyway though, next to The Bugle and some of the cooking video podcasts I've found they're pretty much my favorite since there's an actual point to what they're discussing. Even if they're ones I know very little about like DC comics. And their website is a smidgen crap/broken. And I just looked up Rachel Zoe and while I was expecting a moppet version of Rachel Ray with the smoker's voice of post-broken Lindsey Lohan, I suppose in hindsight that joke might make more sense. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Jeff Goldsmith - (500) Days of Summer Q&A (Comment on this)
Monday, September 7th, 2009
10:39 pm	People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated. I wonder why I must be such a contrarian. Like I'm skimming this Onion AV Club article, "Don’t try to wake me in the morning: 36 (mostly excellent) songs to soundtrack your suicide" and I noticed Eleanor Rigby. Okay yeah, I guess it is an utterly bleak song as they describe but I really sort of like it anyway since it's so lush, for lack of any real descriptor that I can come up that seems appropriate. Maybe it's that soul gospel cover by Kim Weston that turns it into something like out of a James Bond flick. Anyway, I sort of have two interpretations that make it slightly less awful. One, is that just barely missed connection/I Saw U nature. This is sort of going into that "'sad' is 'happy' for deep people" territory but despite the melancholy of those two not crossing paths in time they potentially were just moments away from one another. This is practically Sliding Doors or Run Lola Run or pretty much every romantic comedy with a cute meet story ever. On the other hand, it could also be slightly patronizing. "Look at all the lonely people" could possibly just be some douche bag (I need a new word) looking down and lording it upon all the others who happen to be lonely, as if they were gods apart from that whole life strife. But hey, at least you're not party to the loneliness. Then again it could be someone who's so utterly compassionate that they actually care about the condition of others and is mindful of their sorrows. Erm, that said, I sort of squandered this lovely three day weekend looking for a store to blow my little spending money that doesn't exist since it closed sometime in January despite still being on the corporate website. I think Hastings is going to have to be my Half-Price Books substitute but I sort of wish there were nearly as many of them around. As it turns out there is more than just Division Street, which is effectively my Ave or Broadway except no longer in walking/busing distance, but I haven't the foggiest idea how to get around there. My excuse is that t'was rainy and all. Not nearly as bad as western Washington reputedly, which sort of sucks in terms of Bumbershoot. Where all my distant closer friends ended up going. I suppose some of my other friends ended up going to PAX which is nice and cozy and indoors with masses of gamers who I liken to the antithesis of a bathhouse (no hygiene or hooking up)... but that's sort of... a tangential point. Actually one of my friends even found a cougar of sorts. And that aforementioned gaggle of distant closer friends are all finally moving into a place together--sort of fulfilling my dreams to be able to flit into their lives more like a proper sitcom sidekick guest recurring special star albeit now with a five-ish hour drive. ...So basically, damn, I guess this does mean we're growing up and maturing. Though I ended up being the socially inept one who is probably least equipped to compensate for moving to more conservative smaller city. If anything I sort of always imagined myself magically ending up in a metropolitan area. Like all gays worth telling any sort of story about once they've reached a certain age. Wait, has it hit me yet that I still only know three people in town? The handful of classmates whose names I know don't count since there's no social context as of yet and I'm only in their presence from one to three hours a day. And did I ever mention in my last exceedingly emo post that I am utterly unhirable for basically everything listed on Craigslist? Current Mood: cold Current Music: Elevator Suite - Eleanor Rigby (Comment on this)
Friday, September 4th, 2009
12:12 am	Where the pixilated doctors moan I wonder how sad it is that I can visit the NSFW guyswithiphones.com and go, "weren't you just up?" He is a cutie but I only noticed this recurring point mostly based off the bathroom decor. Which I weirdly like most in the first pic, though I wonder if that in any way also has to deal with the fact he's got so much more mystique with the cap on. Or at least I'm going to accept someone else's conclusion that the first two are the same guy. I don't really care enough to thoroughly do some triangulation to determine if the pattern of moles match up between each picture. (I did care enough to do it half-assedly but the angles and skin show vary. Also I wonder if there might be dirt in the lens.) I sort of wish I'd determined a better way to use my time other than law homework, sleep, and open-source porn/art project/indictment of societal materialism. Maybe more sleep and less of the latter. I actually probably should spend more time on the law thing too but it's not like I'd actually be free to spend even more time sleeping. While it doesn't help that today I woke up three minutes before class (since my alarm was set for PM and my circadian rhythm is not set for anything useful) and that professor has successfully scared me into not showing up at all rather than showing up late... I'm still slightly reeling from a voluntary lunch meeting/info panel I went to on Wednesday, since there wasn't anyone in the Westlaw seminar at the same time. I'm mortified by this idea that to be remotely hirable also means I need to be presentable and like boisterously friendly rather than just laid back polite. And I'm still slightly offended on behalf of my generation of this one guy railing on tattoos being stupid and how they are to be covered at all costs even though I don't even have one. (I'm too indecisive to deal with the permanence of placement and topic. And while I am a supergeek, certain stuff I wouldn't want to have to explain or I can't be certain I'd still love it even five years down the line.) To some extent I even agree that some tattoos kind of ruin any ability to function either in the workplace or as an old person. Namely those full-on neck tattoos or body/scalp/everywhere ones on some gay porn stars. Still, for some reason it totally slipped my mind that lawyers might be a kind of conservative bunch since I'm so used to seeing flashy and dapper suits appropriated by sci-fi TV shows about identity and human trafficking or pop and indie stars. Hell, one of the panelists even warned people about revealing their religious affiliations. At a Jesuit/Catholic school. (Oh why did I not actually apply to the reputed LGBTIQIQA haven that was that one NYC law school?) Then there was that one Asian woman with the massive Gilda Radner-esque highlighted hair and the Ohioan accent who proudly terrorized us all with how hardass she was. She reamed a guy for showing up to a casual lunch meeting for wearing shorts when clearly it was meant to be business casual. I sort of wonder if she actually told him this or if it was just a post-fact point of information to us. Also, this whole side of the state is scary conservative and scalding hot. Actually my most fun course, the Perspectives one with the most laid back of the professors (cause he's self-declared old and mostly hangs around the main campus anyway. And sounds way less terrifying than the others as I've heard), gave me a bit of an existential crisis. Or is mostly just furthering one. While I think that guy is among the most socially liberal of the professors--at least given his relative-PC approach to pretty much anything that could possibly be considered controversial-- I sort of wonder if I'm like one of the leads in Humpday in that I'm a hipster-ish type that's less liberal than I'd like to be ideally or if I'm properly just a wannabe. I think I spent around five minutes trying to parse that thought and express it in words but I've gone with one I don't like as much and can't even remember the other phrasing. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Reead - Straight In the Eyes (Comment on this)
Monday, August 31st, 2009
12:08 am	The lack of variation -- in tempo and in sound -- nearly wipes out the positives Ugh, I suck. Law school. Yet I'm still doing my usual thing of not really doing or even starting the work until late. However, liberated from the mindful hand of my parents doing their best to help me move which might mean I can finally try and apply self-discipline. Which generally worked when I've been out of the country, nevermind the fact that I sort of fell apart senior year of undergrad. Which was two months ago. And here people are whose lives, to me, are in media res. These are people who have grown children or week olds. In short, I better write the fuck out of an epic spec script to escape. Otherwise, I still don't think it has hit me that I'm training to become a lawyer and thus presumably must actually do something with it as a career. Oh god, the more times I type that out I think the closer I inch towards finally realizing it. And squander time that must be spent reading many many pages. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Phoenix - 1901the lack of variation -- in tempo and in sound -- nearly wipes out the positives by le (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 20th, 2009
1:37 am	You can't write if you can't relate I so suck with the whole human interaction thing. But I'm aware of this at least, right? I'm basically fleeing law school at the first opportunity and heading home to nap in the sun while putting off visiting my UW friends/acquaintances until my parents are gone to avoid any awkwardness. Even if this means basically another week and a half. In any case, my friend just called me in the middle of the night which was lovely/random, but I'm slightly bothered to find out that my friend's friend of a friend knows a guy who I may have been in kindergarten and/or second grade with. But definitely knew in middle school. (Even if I've forgotten the details of whether or not I thought he was a pretty chill or a jerk then.) He's still friends with this guy also from middle school though, who I had a massive crush on. It pains me to know that he's still hot and apparently also still a geek. (Back then he actually had the gumption to wear superhero T-shirts. And relatively obscure and/or sort of cool ones like a chromey foil Silver Surfer cover.) I sort of cope better with my ridiculousness when I don't need to be constantly reminded it exists. I'm rather ambivalent about how I haven't really gotten to know anyone in two days of Gonzaga orientation or why I think the person I like the most so far happens to be the faculty adviser we were randomly assigned to. I suppose I have an in with the Chinese girls who are quite probably not 1L students since they seem to have gravitated towards finding other Asians? Current Mood: awake Current Music: Hexes & Ohs - Head Over Heels (Comment on this)
Friday, July 31st, 2009
1:39 am	Who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that? So, again I go being creepy but hey, this guy left his first and last name in a craigslist post. (And his phone number. Along with a cute headshot.) I'm not sure if this means he's not exceptionally bright, or he's not exceptionally wracked by a paralyzing degree of paranoia that afflicts me even though there are surely at least half a dozen other people in my metropolitan area with the same first and last names. It simply confuses me a bit though-- trying to compare/contrast him on his MySpace profile with three friends which he abandon about four years ago. I can't even tell if it's an avantgarde art piece, a prank, or even exceedingly sincere with a title like "Wanted True Gay love." He mentions he's "a 20 year old male who has realized [he's] tired of playing mind games with little boys." I can't tell if this is wildly significant in terms of his life events or if he's simply trying to imply he's into the whole leather daddy scene. Does have me wildly beat apparently by having enough dealings with mind games/boys to be sick of them. But oh, the him of four years ago states that "I like Video Games, Girls, Race Cars, Sports(I play football for clover park), and Bowling." I haven't bothered to check lately but I think I just got really evasive about sexual preferences so as to avoid outright lying. For whatever reason neither I nor anyone else seems to really care about aside from my parents. Anyway, I do wanna give him credit for admitting in terms of movies that "I love almost any movie with Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock and more(once i think of more i will put type them up^)." Even if he's apparently into hip-hop which I personally still have trouble getting into as a scene since A: I grew up in the kinda more privileged suburbs, B: I was among the academicky kids from 3rd grade onward, C: as a scene so frequently about the machismo and as of late rampant consumerism with little irony, I just don't really get it. And I'm lazy so I''m just copy/pasting the rest verbatim since it's there's a novelty to me about how revealing it is. " i want a real man who will be able to comfort me when i need it. my family is not welcoming to me bringing home any guys home for dinner. i want a gentlemen that knows what he wants and is motavated. i want a guy with a education and doing something with his life. i would also like u to be ok with making love to me and up for new things. im into oral and anal so what ever floats your boat with float mine." Have I really been watching way too much porn--nay, reading too much COMMENTARY about porn vs. actually looking at it-- where "real man" does not mean "I want someone who's not some Trader Joe's junkie/immature little clown" but instead I imagine it to be shorthand for "I want a man built like a brickhouse, is as anti-twink as a homemade poundcake; who fucks like a stevedore!" I don't even know what that sentence means any more. In any case, I'm probably so not this guy's type since I've just got the wannabe comfortador and education stuff going on. Anyhow, and it got depressing when I gave in and clicked a banner on a comic book website to discover Geek to Geek: "The best place on the net to meet geeks." I'm gonna have to quote the luminescent Mary J. Blige when I admit "I'm disappointed in us as a group." As it turns out geeks are not nearly the overeducated master overlords I rather expected us to be, although in hindsight it slipped my mind that there's probably a reason there's that stereotypical guy who lives in his parents' basement. Or Harry Knowles. Aside from how a strange amount of the gay males haven't actually finished college and are all looking for basically a sugar daddy, or the number of women who seem to have missed clicking the right button to identify their own gender vs. the ones they were attracted to... That said, I was rather charmed by a "Genius Looking for Same" who was not only actually attractive but had a pretty amusing write up on top of that! Albeit one with even more confusing punctuation than mine. And he's 26 yet I think half a foot shorter than me, presumably dropped out of college, not politically active, and in any case about four hours away. Romantic comedies have ruined me. While the anonymity of the net ought to wildly appeal to me since I can hardly form clear let alone clever sentences when I think strangers are attractive (Can't even look them in the eye! GAH!), I can't help but think the story of how I meet someone I'm dating needs a cute anecdote. Apropos of nothing but to make this seem less filled with self-loathing-- Hey, I have abs! How'd that happen and how can they be more prominent with minimal effort? Current Mood: hot Current Music: Pansy Division - Average Men (w/ Jello Biafra) (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
3:31 am	I - I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away part 2 Ran into a friend of a friend at his place of work and of course since he's male I got terribly flustered. I'm perfectly neutral leaning towards general sense of affability regarding him too. Am I just overestimating my ability to socially interact with girls though? They're mostly a limited handful of girls or ones where we were paid to be in vicinity to each other. I dunno, I don't think I've had real grounds of any sort of epiphany. I think I just decided that I finally do like Hunx and his Punx (it helps the guy is hot but I'm willing to admit that now his voice isn't nearly as annoying as I think I thought it once was) and Pansy Division too. Gravy Train!!!! as it turns out though... Huh. I do still sort of like the quasi 60s cartoon crime procedural vibe but since I basically bought the album at random out of all their others I wonder if they all sort of sound the same or if I just chose exceptionally poorly. Plus in any case, it turns out Sigur Ros joins Grizzly Bear in terms of hipster-popular music I like since the lead is apparently gay. ...Also I'm tempted to start listening to Now It's Overhead even though I was only aware they existed after the front man's picture turned up on guyswithiphones.com in a series of photos taken in Michael Stipe's bathroom. ...I honestly have no idea why, but I was torn on what to link to. I ended up going with that one since it rather hilariously segued into the merits of mobile phone technology (or lack there of) after someone accused/admired the gays of being preternaturally aware of technology trends. This is compared to some other discussion points I've come across which instead notice that it appears there are two guys in the same Stipe bathroom set in the same undies. I wonder the specific details of the antics they get up to. I mean I do rather imagine that there's some underwear swapping going on here, but weirdly enough I think I now own a pair with the same color scheme so for all I know if this trend has trickled it's way down to me then there's the possibility by the time it came to baño shotgunning beers 'n briefs they'd discover their inadvertent matching. To 60s sitcom-esque laughs. Back on--well, a different aspect of this same point though-- I still wonder how people end up on the NSFW-tastic narcissism-fest that is guyswithiphones.com. I mean it's lovely and all for gawking at cock sometimes amongst guys in varying states of dress but I still don't quite get it. While it seems to rely on user-generated/submitted content rather than trolling the web for photos, what is there to keep people from posting pictures of other folk? Is there even age verification? And it's not set up like a dating site from what I can tell since people have no means of actually contacting each other aside from the public comments. Then when I first came across it, it was just a bunch of pictures in a grid without even the comment system in place. How exactly can you promote your availability/existence/clothing line/newest art project yada yada yada? But then I come across a picture like this and then I stop caring as much about the logistics. Even if I would like to see more face/pictures in a sequence featuring this guy/cock. Though, being my same slightly crazy and detail oriented self, I can't help but be annoyed by the first comment saying "Drop the towel" when he's clearly wearing boxers. And frankly a rather lot of you're/your confusion. Current Music: Gravy Train!!!! - Double Decker Supreme (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
5:33 am	I - I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away So I won La Roux tickets rather mysteriously (4 grand prize winners! These prizes being of relatively little monetary consequence!) after having also won an EP of theirs. T'was pretty darn fantastic though even if I had no idea what she was saying for a goodly majority of it cos of the sound mostly. I sort of wonder if this just means I'm liable to keep winning stuff from her in particular, or if I've just blown my contestload and ruined my chance to "Win a Night with an Active from Dollhouse!" or "Be the Next President of Narimar!" I was slightly mortified to see so many guys I was previously aware existed working in the UW dorms. Generally I'm far more used to the platonic buddyness with girls-- I think this may be since my "OMG I'm so incredibly pleased to see you!" voice goes an octave higher than I normally talk and brings it into the realm of pre-teen girls in Claire's Accessories. (Incidentally, I was horrified to find out that young girls actually do say "ohmigosh" in much the manner I was. I suppose this serves me right since I did sort of pick it up from reading Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane but after awhile I came to see it as rather Middleman-ish.) Anyhow, aound guys I've discovered my primary modes are humoring them in the event of any weird quirks (like FPS games, jokes I find a bit off-color/don't get, "political awareness," and "caring for the community" or whatever) since they do likewise with me, or finding them terribly cute and thus not being able to actually talk or be in their presence. Or if there was talking in the past they're such mortifying clumsy attempts to flirt that I can't ever ever ever deal with the aftermath. ...I'm not sure what conclusion I just came to here. That I can't be around guys, or I can't be around pretty people? I actually just got distracted momentarily thinking of the guy in the striped wifebeater directly in front of me for part of the show, who kinda dripped sweat on me, yet I still thought he was kinda hot. ...Now however, I'm more concerned with trying to come up with a synonym for wifebeater shirts when that guy was clearly gay (I mean... clearly.) since presumably he'd be lacking a wife which does away with that whole namesake and I'm aware it does sort of normalize and demean real domestic partnership abuse yada yada yada. Plus I guess it also perpetuates negative stereotypes about working-class laborers who primarily wear them. God I think too much. However, I turn ridiculously pink when I drink to try and counter that and even then I'm unfortunately still within my facilities. ...I'm also awake at 5:30 in the morning. Whups. Current Mood: hot Current Music: The Gaslight Anthem - I Do Not Hook Up (Comment on this)
Monday, July 20th, 2009
11:49 pm	There's a computer, do it yourself. Yes I am this bored. I'm formatting a hard drive. Very little otherwise. Using only song titles from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's harder than you think. Pick Your Artist: Girls Aloud. Since they're quite honestly the only band coming to mind in my library that might have a diverse enough range of titles for me to use. Are you male or female: Thank Me Daddy Describe yourself: All I Need (All I Don't) How do you feel about yourself?: What You Crying For/Deadlines & Diets Describe where you currently live: Count The Days If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: Swinging London Town/On My Way To Satisfaction/Singapore Your favourite form of transportation: Rolling Back The Rivers In Time/Walk This Way Your best friend is: The Loving Kind Your favorite colour is: White Lies What's the weather like?: Long Hot Summer (though lately Life got Cold) Favorite time of day: See the Day If your life were a TV show, what would it be called?: Untouchable/Hear Me Out/You Freak Me Out/Waiting What is life to you?: With Every Heartbeat What is the best advice you have to give?: 100 Different Ways/Loving is Easy/Turn to Stone If you could change your name, what would it be?: Hoxton Heroes Your favorite food is: Grease Thought for the Day: Sexy! No No No... How would you like to die?: Watch Me Go Your soul's present condition: Hanging On The Telephone The faults you can bear: Why Do It? Your motto: Call the Shots Current Mood: bored Current Music: Girls Aloud - Androgynous Girls (Tweaked Mix) (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 5th, 2009
1:48 am	Do let's focus. So I just acknowledged that I still have that weird quirky thing I do () where I giggle/chuckle/chortle/snort/snigger then segue into a cough to compose myself. Or disguise the fact that I was just giggling. You know, whatevs. Anyway, seeing as I hit my quota for social interaction for the first half of the season, I've been at my parent's house for basically an interminable time. Which I suppose is still my house. Nevertheless, they put up with the most ridiculous stuff (like me waking up mid-afternoon in exchange for some furniture schlepping) The places where I applied never got back to me, and really I ought to build up my acceptance of rejection. That said, I've also been reading "Not Always Right" and question whether or not I'm up for dealing with customers still. I mean, working in the dorms generally after 7PM when they've already been locked, my dealings with crazy were pretty much limited to those who could afford tuition and/or those who tailgate their way into the building. However, this would get me back out into what I call the "real world" as I blinkingly first step into the sun. (Hey, this reminds me how stupid it is that I actually tend to go to sleep around five or six when the sun first comes up. Any efforts to tan back to a healthy glow go away by the time I finally crawl out of bed around three since the trees by our house have overtaken the backyard.) Plus it'll probably be more emotionally/psychologically healthy if I gawk at everyday guys in the real world versus the everyday amateurs of XTube or Guyswithiphones. Plus I've been listening to/reading a lot of David Sedaris lately and it seems like a key factor in building up one's storytelling ability tends to call for having life experiences that can be spun into something worth sharing. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Travis - I Kissed A Girl (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
4:21 am	They would have it so Oh god. Roman Republic final in six hours and I was just about to-- well not take a study break so much as extend that non-study period which had a break to check out two wiki pages that might relate to the final... Anyway-- I was just about to use the internet to its fullest/mainest use until I discovered I was about to watch inspiriporn. (Hrm, was that the word I coined in my head? "insporn" is just too condensed for anyone to figure out what it means, "inspiratiaporn" seems slightly long winded and actually does sound a bit more right even though I totally pull some vowels out of nowhere in some of the variations that sound better...) That sort of turned me off the whole concept now. (Or maybe the guys involved did?) It's sort of sad though that I get distracted even from my distraction. Also it turns out I do have a new person approaching "favorite coworker" but it sorta came to me by surprise so I didn't quite bask in it when this ought have been the time to. And rather sadly it's mostly since it's fun checking out guys with her. Like the one that she thought looked so dangerous or scary that he became attractive to her. Heh, that's my favorite description ever! (I got the concept behind it but didn't really feel it. Mostly since I kinda saw the scary a bit more.) Or her thing for the "argyle guy"/"guy with the legs" today and her sorta sweet assumption that the guy was totally freaked out by her or something. (And she's rather adorable so this momentarily gave me hope that he was gay. Cursory Facebooking the name I remember seeing on his ID failed though. Just like all my other ones actually. I'm still a bit peeved as Facebook for making it less of an exclusively college thing and sort of demeaning any of the actual usage it served as networking for courses and campuses and stuff.) Oh another reason I like her is the fact that she suggested cute Asian guy really does exist rather than just being a figment of my imagination and she thinks "[she] want[s] him too even though he has chicken hair" (which seems like a sorta apt description of a faux-hawk given that they're both avian even if I didn't quite see it). Also, sweet semi-Aussie with cooler/rockier music taste than I sweetly made me the tackiest graduation card/sheet of paper which I found absolutely touching and sort of sent me on my merry way for a stupid nostalgia-fest. I'm actually pretty pleased at the moment--final aside-- even though I was slightly bummed out that I never got to have one of those emo relationship intervention/conferences in the 1101 office in the late evening. Of course actually having any sort of real relationship would help. Incidentally, I think I was planning on coming out to my parents finally (assuming they haven't already figured it out and weren't just playing mind games with me hoping that I wouldn't tell them) as a sort of surprise to jointly go with graduation. I'm just trying to figure out the timing of before or after the ceremony... I can't tell if I honestly think this is a form of protest or not, about how they didn't bother with my sister's since "she didn't graduate on time." (I think she tried to avoid it but I did too, to a less effective extent) Also since they're pretty dead set on helping me out with paying for further education still and I wonder if it seems like a handy disclaimer that they ought to know who they're paying for. ...Or is it that I was suspecting if they did disown me then I wouldn't be locked into going to Phoenix... A spanner is thrown into the works though since I've also been offered a scholarship to Gonzaga, which does keep me in state albeit in the crummier and probably more Republican half. Also a bit bizarre is the idea that I would not only be accepted to multiple schools but get offers of money as well. Huh, my eyes are going bleary and slightly crossed. I wonder in hindsight if this was remotely a good idea to have wasted my waking moments on this instead of more studying for the friggin final. Phooey. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: The Magnetic Fields - Absolutely Cuckoo (Comment on this)